Hopefully A New Beginning For Me

Over the last year or so I have been experiencing some really bad sharp pains in my sides. It woud come predictably at first, but within the last couple months it had gotten so bad I would have given anything for someone to be able to tell me what it was. About last year this time I had the pain, and at first it wasn't too bad so I waited a couple days before deciding that maybe I needed to get it check out. When I did go to the Dr. she ordered a CT scan that showed that I had a small cyst on my left ovary that would resolve on it's own (can you tell I have heard these words so many times that I know them by heart?). I had the pain again the next month, but since my insurance at the time had such a high premium and deductible I had cancelled it so I could start paying off the darn CT scan that gave me no relief. I continued to have the pain at least once a month and decided that I was just going to get a small cyst that would resolve on it's own every month for the rest of my life. By about December I started getting these "small cysts...." about once every 2 weeks and they were getting more painful. At this point I still had no idea why or what I was going to do about it. I started looking for some good, and I mean major medical insurance at the end of January because I knew that I was going to need to see whoever it took to figure out what this pain was because it had started effecting everything in my life. I'd have the pain and not be able to move so Tyrell would have to stay home and I'd have to stay home. I said I had to have the insurance effective by March 1st and then I was on a quest. March 4 I went to my first Dr. appointment and got an ultrasound scheduled for 3 days later to find that I had a small cyst that would resolve on it's own. Yeah, not what I wanted to hear. No, I didn't want it to be bad, but I wanted answers dang it! So I continued on until it happened again about 2 weeks later and hauled myself into the ER because this time it was worse than ever. They did two more ultrasounds with no more answers, and barely got the pain under control. The next day I'd had enough and had all my tests and ultrasounds faxed to Gyno I had heard good things about. He saw me and said we'd pretty much done all the testing we could besides laprascopic diagnostic surgery. This is where they place a camera inside you to get a really close look at what is going on. He said with how often I had the pain and the way I described it, as well as his exam he felt like I most likely had endometriosis or adhesions from my previous c-sections. He described a procedure they are doing now for people who qualify called LSH (laprascopic superacervical hysteretomy) that he'd like to go ahead and do if he found either of those things in there so that we wouldn't have to endure two or more surgeries. We discussed what I'd like him to leave if at all possible and again went over it the next morning before I went in for surgery. He did find endometriosis and was able to save my right ovary. Endometriosis is very hard to diagnose and detect because it's symptoms are not uncommon until it gets pretty bad. It continues to get worse and worse until the person effected is treated. I chose to keep an ovary, and therefore may need to have it removed in the future because it likes to come back. Being as young as I am though, I felt that having those natural hormones was important and I am hoping I don't start having pain on that side, but if I  do I do. 


I got to wear this sweet gown that they hook up to an air hose that blows hot air and keeps you nice and toasty! I wanted to bring it and the machine home,and I am pretty sure Tyrell was jealous!

 

So far my recovery has been a little rougher than I expected, but I have had an awesome husband who has helped me a ton! My mother in law also came to help the first weekend after I had it done, and she saved my life! I had 4 c-sections and did amazing, and I am not saying I didn't do amazing this time, it is just different. I thought it would feel similiar to my c-sections, but the pain is different, and honestly the things I have struggled with aren't really pain related. I had some pretty bad anxiety attacks the first couple days, and I think those may be from the pain meds (I am super sensitive to meds). I have also had a really hard time just letting others do the kids and things because I am so so used to being the sole caregiver (Tyrell works 2 jobs and isn't here a lot). I have also found myself getting really tired very fast. Now, I don't know why that is different than my other surgeries, it just is. Today marks a week and my stomach is getting less sore each day, but if I walk too much I regret it because it feels like my abs have been really working (which never happened with c-sections). The incisions are much higher than my c-sections as well and that may play a part in it. I am hoping that the kids will be very understanding in the coming week because Tyrell has to go back to work and so do I, and I still can't lift them.

 

 

I also have to say that I truly believe that our Heavenly Father knows things we just don't understand and he does things that we may not understand for a reason. I have 3 kids who are very very close together, but if they weren't so close together their little souls wouldn't be able to bless our home because I can't have anymore. Some of you may not know this, but we had a very hard time getting pregnant and then out of nowhere those last two just came. The Dr. also described how endometriosis starts to me, and it had to have started long ago, before my tubes were tied and thus we are very lucky to have those two last babies. Some people may think that we were stupid or don't understand where babies come from, or whatever, but Heavenly Father needed to get those spirits here quickly because I just didn't have a lot of time. I would have not thought that I would need to have a hysterectomy at the age 27, but I am really hoping this is a turning point and a new beginning for me and my family!

Happy St. Patty's 2013

We have never really celebrated St. Patrick's day and to be honest we didn't this year either. I just saw these cute shirts on pinterest and decided to make them for the kiddos because I thought they were super cute. I also decorated this year. That is mostly due to me being so bored all the time with no school work to. I fill my time with crafting and decorating the house. It has become quite a hobby for me! Here are some darling shots of the crew that I took this morning. Kael wasn't at all interested in pictures so we finally bribed him with a piece of candy to take the group one so that is why it looks like they are all eating. Tyrell had to go to each of the other kids and say "oh, thank you for standing up by the wall you get a candy!" and Kael is such a smartie pants he caught on real quick!

Kai and The Fish

Today I had to take Kai to get some blood drawn. Now, I knew he'd freak out so I got a babysitter for the others, and told him we were going to a surprise destination. He was ok with that and got in the car. When we pulled up to the hospital he started to realize something was up, and asked me, "mom, do they have those noodles here?" You see, he just got Kindergarten shots about a month ago, and the pokes apparently are noodles instead of needles. I just looked at him and said "it's going to be ok". We went in and he did really well up until we got into the lab. That's when he fell apart saying he didn't want pokes. One of the ladies told him that when he got done he could feed their fish. He still didn't want pokes, but wanted to feed the fish. After I pretezled myself around him so he wouldn't kick the poor lady trying to draw his blood, and he screamed for a bandaid the entire time they were drawing the blood, he got to feed the fish. That is all he has talked about the rest of the day. He got poked, but it's ok because he got to feed the big fish. He has also asked me numerous times if he has to go back to the dr. and won't take off the cotton ball. He had to take a bath alone tonight because Kael would take it off, and he needs it on just a little bit longer. I am not going to fight with him about it just yet. The poor kid is already traumatized! Tomorrow I think I will take a picture of his beloved cotton ball to add to this post for future reference :)

A Little Too Close To Home

I have debated about posting this or not posting this, and then about how to post this. I want to post about this experience mostly because it has been eye opening and attitude changing, and mostly something that has made me want to do better and be better. I want to remember this when I start to not do better and be better. So here it goes. Tyrell has a friend he met in high school and continued to be friends with in his first year of college. It just so happens that she ended up in the same ward as my grandparents, and lives in the same town as quite a bit of my family. We lived there for a short time as well, and have kept in contact with her over the years through encounters in the store, facebook, etc. The day before Valentine's day her husband (who is the same age as Tyrell) passed away from cancer. They have children in the same age groups as ours. They were married the same summer as us. To put it lightly this really hit too close to home. We traveled to the funeral, and heard some really great remarks about him, and about life, and the after life. I have to say that we didn't know him all that well, and we went more to support his wife. From what I heard he was a great guy with so many great qualities. He had lived the kind of life that would get him places in heaven. I can only hope that when I die those kinds of things are said about me. It really made me want to try to be better. So I am putting this here so that I can remind myself when times get hard.
It also made me thankful to be LDS and to know that when we die we aren't just gone. One of the speakers said something that really struck me and will likely stick with me. It's hard to forget. He said that those that have died aren't gone, they are right here, this is where they are just in a different way. He hasn't left his wife and children, he is just going to be there for them in a different way. I thought that this was really beautiful and so true! I hope I don't ever have to feel Tyrell's presence in this way, but it is comforting to know that those that have passed are not gone.
This ordeal also got us both talking about things we hadn't ever discussed or well, really wanted to discuss. Things like who would are kids live with if we both died, where do you want to be burried, we should get a will, and is our life insurance enough.
My heart breaks for her and her children, and I can't even imagine how hard it must be. At the end of the day, I have so much to be thankful for, and so many reasons to rejoice! It doesn't matter if my house is messy, the laundry is piled up, my kids didn't get a bath, the dishes are still in the sink, and the list goes on, at least I can tell my kids I love them and give their daddy a great big hug and kiss and tell him how thankful I am that he is alive and well.
It put a lot of things in perspective for sure!

I saw this quote tonight, and it really hit home today. Today has been tough. Heck, lets be honest, the last month has been really tough. Tyrell has been working a lot, and I am so grateful he is willing to sacrifice so much so that our family can thrive, but it comes with a price for everyone involved. Today, I woke up determined to have a "better" day and soon after got a text message that jolted my entire mood and day. I remember thinking that maybe my kids just needed my attention and for me to be able to just forget the problem I was facing. In an effort to try to get rid of the problem as quick as I can I emerged myself in personal records and online searches. My poor kids were holy terrors and I just kept wishing they'd give me 5 min. to deal with the situation I felt needed my attention right then. I wanted to post this here so that I can remember it. I should have let the problem go until later tonight, and played with my kids. In the end maybe some of the days stresses and messes could have been avoided, and they would have felt like the most important part of my day (as they should).

Valentine's Projects

Tonight I decided to let the kids have a little fun, and make some cute little Valentine's crafts. They had so much fun, and were so patient with me as I was trying to help all four of them. I couldn't be prouder. These are the moments I need to remember when all I want to do is put them all to bed and pull my hair out!

 

 

Havyn and Kael's Birthday

Since birthdays are so close together at our house, and daddy works a lot, we decided to celebrate the two babies at that same time. We figured they are too little to really notice anyway. Kael's actual birthday is today, but he had no idea. Havyn got her beloved loopsy (lalaloopsy) gear. She got a lalaloopsy littles house. I think the boys have played with more than her (Koen). Someday, I am sure he will love that I included that here! She also got tinkerbell beauty gear (hair dryer, fake makeup, comb, brush, the works). Kael got a wooden tool set (that apparently is the only thing that existed in his mind, because he didn't even hardly look at the other present all night), and a tonka fire station. They are growing so fast, and let me say, that as much as I LOVE babies, I do not regret the fact that there will be no more in our home. We are complete and I am loving every minute of outgrowing these baby stages!

And Mom, the one where she looks like she is about to jump up and down and Tyrell has your present to her in his hands, it's because she was soooooo overly excited to get pajamas from you! She loves them! She had to twirl in the them as soon as she got them on.