Good, Bad, and Ugly

I saw this tonight snd I really think it was meant for me! In the last few years I have struggled with feeling like I am good enough, pretty enough, and strong enough. I'm surprised Tyrell has stuck around, honestly. I've been really HARD to live with. I have found myself wondering what on earth I was put on Earth to do. Why does it all have to be so hard? Why can't things just be good all the time and people be nice to other people and bumps in the road go away? Why!? I am not writing this for people to feel sorry for me. I do that enough for everyone. I have had ENOUGH! I'm trying to tell myself these three things every day all day and hoping that if I do it long enough I will believe it. So many people have told me how talented I am and how much they wish I could just see it. It's not that simple for me. I have slipped into this place where I am fearing that I may really ruin my dreams if I don't find a way to cope with not being LOVED by everyone, perfect at everything, and loaded with more friends than I could ever need. Right now, I am fairly certain people avoid me because I am not that fun to be around. I have always struggled with anxiety and depression, but seemed to hide it a little better than I have in the last couple of years. I have tried different treatments and none seem to help. I finallydecided it was time to take control and even if it was awkward and embarrassing I was going to go to a Psychiatrist who could offer some new ideas. I have to find a happy place because there will always be people who don't like me and may (and have) spread gossip and hurtful things about me and I can't go home crying and feeling sorry for myself anymore. I need to hold my head high and know that I am good enough, pretty enough, and strong enough. It's so easy to write this, but so much harder to remember it. Yesterday was a GREAT day and today was a BAD day. I am just going to have to repeat this (at least until I can get my meds to the dose I need) when I think about the yucky stuff. I have to remember the good stuff. I have made some decisions that have been some of the best for me personally (others will disagree and may even talk about how I am not being good enough in their eyes) in the last year and a half.